英語(yǔ)小笑話15篇（必備）

英語(yǔ)小笑話1

　　Draw tree

　　The kindergarten held a tree planting day painting competition, and I wrote a big "tree" word on the blackboard to let children play freely.

　　When the painting was handed in, I saw a picture that was amazing. The tree trunk was yellow and the trees were full of golden fruit. It was novel and unique in color.

　　I immediately praised, said: "Xiaoqiang is great, you can tell the teacher, what is the fruit on it, this is a tree?""

　　Xiaoqiang stood up and shouted in reply: "the tree is covered with coins and gold ingots, this is my father bought the lottery yesterday, taught me to draw the shake Qian Shu."!"

　　畫 樹

　　幼兒園舉辦植樹節(jié)繪畫比賽，我在黑板上寫了個(gè)大大的“樹”字，讓小朋友們自由發(fā)揮。

　　繪畫作品交上來后，我看到一幅畫非常驚嘆，樹干是黃色的，樹上結(jié)的全是金光閃閃的果子，創(chuàng)作新穎，顏色獨(dú)特。

　　我馬上表?yè)P(yáng)說：“小強(qiáng)真棒，你能告訴老師這上面結(jié)的是什么果子，這是一棵什么樹嗎？”

　　小強(qiáng)站起身，大聲回答：“樹上結(jié)的'是銅錢和金元寶，這是我爸昨天買彩票時(shí)，教我畫的搖錢樹！”

　　Insult

　　Man: "I'm full of you."......"

　　Woman: "I think you have a lot of shit in your head."!"

　　Man: I don't allow you to insult yourself like this!"

　　侮 辱

　　男：“我滿腦子裝的都是你……”

　　女：“我看你腦子里裝的都是屎吧！”

　　男：“我不允許你這樣侮辱你自己！”

英語(yǔ)小笑話2

　　Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

　　我們的餐廳經(jīng)理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的.身高�；蛘�，我應(yīng)該說，他是有點(diǎn)矮!一天，經(jīng)理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”

　　我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的啊”!

英語(yǔ)小笑話3

　　My husband was showing a box of his baby things，which had been saved for him by his mother to our five-year-old son. He took out a pair of bronzed baby shoes

　　mounted with an ashtray between them.”O(jiān)h, look,Chris,"he said. "These are Daddy's first walking shoes.“

　　一次，我丈夫拿出一個(gè)盒子給我們五歲的兒子看。這個(gè)盒子是由他母親替他收藏的他兒時(shí)的`用品盒。我丈夫從盒子里取出一雙中間還夾有煙缸的古銅色的童鞋說:“噢，克瑞斯，你看，這就是爸爸學(xué)走步時(shí)穿的鞋�！�

　　Chris stared in amazement. "Daddy,"he said，”I don't see how you ever learned to walk with that ashtray stuck between your feet.”

　　克瑞斯吃驚地望著那雙鞋，“爸爸，”他說:“我怎么就不知道你還學(xué)過兩腳夾煙灰缸走路呢�！�

英語(yǔ)小笑話4

　　1.A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table

　　一位歷史老師和他的妻子在吃飯

　　the wife asked “Anything new at work”, and he replied", no, I am teaching History".

　　妻子問到：“工作上有什么新鮮事嗎?”丈夫回答說：“沒有，我是教歷史的�！�

　　2.A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .

　　一位男子來到醫(yī)生的辦公室�！搬t(yī)生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您說我該怎么辦？”他問道。

　　"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.

　　“把勺子從咖啡杯里拿出來。”醫(yī)生回答說。

　　3.To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project.

　　為避免我們的狗，萊希，糾纏來訪的客人，我母親常在愛犬喜歡呆的地方，即餐桌下面，摩昵它。一天，一個(gè)建筑商來談居室裝潢工程。

　　As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet.

　　在這人和我母親坐在餐桌邊談居室的修茸時(shí)，我母親滑脫了她的鞋子，開始不經(jīng)意地用腳摩蹭起萊希來。

　　My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.

　　談話進(jìn)行了半個(gè)小時(shí)的時(shí)候，我母親突然感到很不好意思起來，因?yàn)檫@時(shí)她聽到了萊希在前門外的犬吠聲。

　　4.A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.

　　一天早晨，一位黑人女人和一位金發(fā)女郎正走在公園里。

　　Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird

　　. 突然，黑人女人發(fā)現(xiàn)了一只死去的小鳥。

　　"Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.

　　“哦!看這只死去的小鳥�！彼�悲傷地說。

　　The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

　　金發(fā)女郎停下了腳步，她抬頭望著天空，問道：“哪，在那?”

　　5.The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"教進(jìn)化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個(gè)小時(shí)，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進(jìn)化論者提個(gè)問題——如果我們?cè)��?jīng)像狒狒那樣長(zhǎng)著尾巴，那么現(xiàn)在尾巴到哪里去了?”

　　"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".

　　“我來試試看，”一位老太太說�！霸撌俏覀�?cè)谶@里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧�！�

　　6. A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一個(gè)丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚�！拔也幻靼�，”法官說，“你們?yōu)槭裁吹搅诉@把年紀(jì)還要離婚?”丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”

　　7."Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問他的一個(gè)員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著說。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來了�！�

　　8.Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.弟弟：我看見你親我姐姐了，如果你不給我五分錢，我就告訴我爸。

　　Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.姐姐的`男朋友：不要那樣做。給你五分錢。

　　Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.弟弟：我這個(gè)月已經(jīng)賺了一塊兩毛五了。

　　9.s a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

　　一名陌生人走進(jìn)一家鄉(xiāng)間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個(gè)告示牌上寫著，“危險(xiǎn)! 小心有狗!” 進(jìn)去后，他看到一條樣子一點(diǎn)都不兇的老狗趴在收款機(jī)旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個(gè)回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑�！拔矣X得那條狗一點(diǎn)都不可怕。 你帖那個(gè)告示做什么?” “因?yàn)�，�?店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒。”

　　10.Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?

　　年少的童子軍：我怎樣才能把蘑菇和毒蕈區(qū)別開呢?

　　Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

　　年長(zhǎng)的童子軍：上床前吃一個(gè)。如果你第二天早上醒來，那就是蘑菇。

英語(yǔ)小笑話5

　　Warning SeveralweeksafteroursonbeganhisfreshmanyearatAlmaCollegeinMichigan,myhusbandandIdecidedtovisithim.Iwascarefultocallhimafewdaysinadvanceto"warn"himthatwewouldbecoming.Whenwearrivedatthedorm,however,Iwastakenabackbythedisarrayofhisroom."Forgotwewerecoming,didn‘tyou?"Iteased.

　　"Areyoukidding?"hereplied,"WhyelsewouldIhavebotheredtoclean?"

　　提醒

　　我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學(xué)的`新生，開學(xué)幾個(gè)星期之后，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，“提醒”他我們將光臨。但是當(dāng)我們來到宿舍時(shí)，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚�！巴�了我們要來，是吧?”我取笑他�！伴_什么玩笑?“，他回答說，“要不我憑什么費(fèi)神打掃?

英語(yǔ)小笑話6

　　The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.

　　"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.

　　"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the impressed dean.

　　"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it.

　　農(nóng)校的招生辦主任在面試一個(gè)上線的學(xué)生，“你為何要選擇這個(gè)職業(yè)？”他問。 “我夢(mèng)想以經(jīng)營(yíng)農(nóng)場(chǎng)來賺一百萬元，就像我父親一樣�！边@個(gè)學(xué)生回答說。 “你父親經(jīng)營(yíng)農(nóng)場(chǎng)賺了一百萬元？”主任驚詫地問道。

　　“沒有，”這位申請(qǐng)人回答道，“他總是夢(mèng)想著賺到這個(gè)數(shù)目。”

英語(yǔ)小笑話7

　　I worked as a mailman for a short time. However, I am afraid of dogs and I had a lot of trouble.

　　One day I tried to deliver some letters to a big house. I started to open the gate and all of a sudden a huge dog ran towards me.It growled and barked at me, I threw the letters over the fence. The dog picked them up and carried them into the house. The dog was a better mailman than I was!

　　我當(dāng)過很短時(shí)間的`郵遞員。然而，我害怕狗，而且也有過不少麻煩。

　　有一天，我設(shè)法到一座大房子去遞送幾封信。我開始打開門，這時(shí)，突然一只很大的狗朝我跑來。它朝我嚎叫、咆哮著，因此我把信件扔在了柵欄上。那只狗拾起那些信件，把信件帶進(jìn)了大房子。比起我來講，那只狗是個(gè)更好的郵遞員。

英語(yǔ)小笑話8

　　Put your feet in把腳放進(jìn)去

　　The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

　　一個(gè)女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了�！艾旣�!”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她�！笆裁词�，老師?”這女學(xué)生問。“把口香糖從嘴里拿出來，把腳放進(jìn)去�！�

英語(yǔ)小笑話9

　　a doctor came into the hospital ward and said to mr. johnson, "i have some good news and some bad news for you."

　　一位醫(yī)生走進(jìn)醫(yī)院的病房，告訴強(qiáng)森先生：“我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息要告訴你�！�

　　then mr. johnson said, "please, give me the good news first."

　　強(qiáng)森先生說：“請(qǐng)先告訴我好消息吧!”

　　so the doctor said, "the doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."

　　醫(yī)生說：“本院的醫(yī)師決定用你的.名字，來為一種不治之癥命名�！�

英語(yǔ)小笑話10

　　When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

　　Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

　　Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

　　"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

　　由于我的打印機(jī)不能打印出清晰的字來，我就打電話給維修部。電話是一位非常和藹的男人接的'，他說我的打印機(jī)也許只是需要清理一下。

　　他還說，如果讓維修部清理的話要交50英鎊的清理費(fèi)，讓我最好看看使用手冊(cè)自己試著清理。

　　當(dāng)時(shí)我真的被他的話感動(dòng)了，就問他：“你們老板知道你這樣拒絕生意么？”

　　“事實(shí)上，這就是我們老板的主意，”雇員答道：“因?yàn)槿绻�我們讓用戶先自行修理打印機(jī)的話就能掙更多的錢。”

英語(yǔ)小笑話11

　　A Present 凱特的.禮物

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

　　凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什么生日禮物嗎?

　　媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什么呀?

　　凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。

　　媽媽：可是我已經(jīng)有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。

　　凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。

英語(yǔ)小笑話12

　　Lucky Mother 幸運(yùn)的母親

　　A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?

　　一位年輕的母親認(rèn)為，世界上還有許多受饑餓的人，浪費(fèi)食物真不應(yīng)該。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女兒睡覺之前，她給女兒喂夜宵。她先給她一片新鮮的黑面包和黃油，但孩子說她不喜歡這樣吃。她還要一些果醬涂在面包上。母親看了女兒幾秒鐘，隨即說道，露茜，當(dāng)我象你一樣小的.時(shí)候，總是吃面包加黃油，或者面包加果醬，從來沒有面包既加黃油又加果醬。露茜看了母親一會(huì)兒，眼中露出憐憫的神情，然后她柔聲說：您現(xiàn)在能跟我們生活在一起難道不感到高興嗎?

英語(yǔ)小笑話13

　　I Will Not Take a Bath I will not take a bath, I won’t get in tub, I has bath last week. I don’t need another scrub. I would need my rubber ducky, a bucket and a boat, my toy whale, a submarine, a rubber ball. No, I can not take a bath. The tub is too small. It’s all filled up with toy. There’s no room for me.

英語(yǔ)小笑話14

　　Some businessmen were talking about advertising on tv excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, every one had his point of view。

　　At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement。

　　"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked。

　　"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked。

　　"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."

　　"Did you get the dog back?"

　　"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."

　　一群商人正熱烈地討論在電視上做廣告。他們中沒有人做過，所以每個(gè)人都有自己的.想法。

　　此時(shí)，格雷先生進(jìn)來了。格雷是一個(gè)汽車經(jīng)銷商，他曾經(jīng)做過一次廣告。

　　“你們?cè)谟懻撌裁?”格雷先生問。

　　“廣告有用不?”其中一位商人問。

　　“噢，有用，而且見效非�？��！备窭紫壬�說，“我曾經(jīng)發(fā)布了一條廣告，要花100美金尋找一條丟失的看門狗�！�

　　“你的狗找到了嗎?”

　　“沒，但是那個(gè)晚上我的三輛車被偷走了�！�

英語(yǔ)小笑話15

　　A private didn't notice a young lieutenant and failed to salute him. The lieutenant said sternly, "You did not salute me. For this you must immediately salute one hundred times."

　　Just then the general came up. When he saw the poor private about to begin, he exclaimed, "What's all this?"

　　The lieutenant explained, "This ignoramus(無知的人) failed to salute me. I'm making his salute one hundred times as a punishment.”

　　"Quite right," replied the general smiling, "But do not forget, sir, that upon each occasion you are to salute return."

　　有個(gè)士兵沒有注意到一個(gè)年輕的'陸軍中尉，沒有向他敬禮。中尉很嚴(yán)厲地對(duì)那個(gè)士兵說：“你沒有向我敬禮，因此你要馬上敬100個(gè)禮�！�

　　這時(shí)候?qū)④娺^來了。他看到那個(gè)可憐的士兵就要開始敬禮時(shí)，就大聲問道：“這是怎么啦?”

　　中尉解釋說：“這個(gè)蠢貨沒有向我敬禮，我就罰他馬上向我敬一百個(gè)禮�！�

　　將軍笑著說：“完全正確。不過，老弟，別忘了他向你每敬一個(gè)禮，你都要回禮的啊!”

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